The Secret Mountain Our Spies Will Hide in When Washington is Destroyed

It’s after midnight. From this mountaintop perch, he can still see the radioactive remains of what used to be Washington, D.C., illuminating the horizon as he exits the helicopter. The nuclear glow serves as stark proof that the intelligence community failed to foresee and prevent the worst, but at least someone was smart enough to build this mountain bunker in rural Virginia for him and his fellow spies to regroup and survive. He opens the reinforced steel door and begins his descent.

This isn’t paranoid conspiracy fiction. This exact scenario was played out this week.

America’s Preparathon, yesterday’s national pep rally—brought to you by the Department of Homeland Security—tipped me off to this real underground bunker north of Charlottesville, Virginia. The bunker’s purpose is completely secret, though I was easily able to verify that it has been expanded and spiffed up in the years since 9/11 at a cost of tens of millions of dollars. It serves as a compact parable for everything that is wrong with government.

Yesterday’s Preparathon was described by its sponsor FEMA as “a grassroots campaign for action.” Washington’s definition of action is lining up and marching, saluting, and following orders. But there’s a secret definition, written between the lines of the Constitution and public laws: Officialdom evacuating from disorderly and disobedient America before the citizenry catches up or catches on. Countless billions have been spent on this endeavor over the years, a secret orgy of preparedness going on behind the scenes, one that ensures Washington can defend itself, take care of its own, and survive no matter what.